Thursday, February 3, 2011

Adam’s in Brine

You know you are at a Braying Adams concert when:

1. Someone at the gate offered to pay you to take all his tickets.

2. Tickets were being hawked for a “charitable cause” – the BA Aids Foundation.

3. You spot your dad and his cronies in the crowd.

4. Your dad thinks he spots his dad and his cronies in the crowd.

5. Everybody, including the samosa vendor, the stagehand and the traffic cop, knows every lyric of every song. Everybody except the teenager in the “I Love BA Forever” t-shirt who is pulled onto stage to sing along.

6. There’s a group of screeching Persian-speaking chicks clawing, biting and poking their way through the crowd to get to the edge of the stage.

7. One of the Persian chicks has a clump of your hair, which is possibly still in her mouth.

8. You are standing on one foot because there is no place to put the other one down.

9. Your cousin isn’t even on the ground; she’s hanging onto the collar of the unknown guy in front of her, who is slowly but surely dying of strangulation.

10. You finally find a solid bit of concrete to stand on. Ten minutes later, the guy behind you tells you that you’re standing on his feet.

11. Mr Concrete-Blocks-For-Feet decides to tell you where he’s from, says you look familiar and then asks whether you would like to sit on his shoulders.

12. There’s a middle-aged rotund drunk jumping up and down and dancing when people barely have place to stand.

13. People are playing pass-the-parcel with the middle-aged rotund drunk, steadily shoving him out of the crowd.

14. People are pointing and laughing at a woman who looks like she’s been in labour for 72 hours but who is really just on the verge of fainting.

15. You can tell firsthand that the guy pressed up behind you has chosen today, of all days, to go commando.

16. You are so tightly squashed against the person in front of you, there’s no way you couldn’t have lost a cupsize.

17. While leaving, you have to scramble over the middle-aged rotund drunk now lying face down on the ground with a Pepsi billboard thrown over him.

18. You leave the concert venue looking like you’ve been dragged backward through a hedge, drenched in perspiration that is not your own, vowing never to attend another BA concert.

19. Someone at the gate is still trying to pay people to take his tickets.

20. You stay up all night with your cousin discussing people at the concert rather than the actual performance itself.


  1. #15: Ugh!

    #16: Haha! You sure have your way with words!

    Well Bryan Adams isn't in town again, is he?

  2. Experience it all for yourself firsthand! Feb 13th if I'm not mistaken. :D

    Ugh! is an understatement! Gah!

  3. Braying Adams it seems...I know u hv creative license...but u gotta give the man credit for his singing at his age... Even if he pulled u on stage n sang to u u'd still not be satisfied...sigh...

    Now back to the rest of the the hell do u manage to get urself into such predicaments? I hope ur hands were kept to urself n u weren't reaching out to steady urself...ahem...

  4. Poor Mr. Adams. Just look at his pained expression that picture. Have a heart,BB. :p

  5. Madam, most of what you've said holds true for any firangi's "rock" concert na?

    I like how your lists list towards brilliance ;)

  6. @KO: Look, the "Essayist" commented right before you ;)

    Did you happen to catch MY expression after that bleddy concert?! The nerve!

    @NG: Most = 50% or 90%? ;)

    Why, thank you. What's with the uncharacteristic niceness? Feeling a bit unwell? :-O

  7. Oh, bryan(a)na, why u do this to me? Am sure he must have invested in some real estate property here. Otherwise, I don't see any reason for his enthu-cutlet behaviour.
    Also, "essayist" it seems. hahaha. paaapa.

  8. @Div: Puh-leez. Aren't Aids drugs cheaper in India?

    I don't think the "essayist" is aware that his rep has been sullied. Else we'd have had another delightful essay on the subject ;)

    P.S. Save your "paapas" for more deserving causes :P

  9. Your expression of ecstasy? I must admit to not having seen it but then again, that's because I WASN'T THERE!

  10. @Kaotic: Arre baba, "ecstasy" was when Joe Perry de-shirted at the Aerosmith gig. *swoon*

    And you were DEFINITELY THERE!

  11. "Arrey baba"? *raises eyebrows* And then u have the gall to not watch Tanu Weds Manu when it comes out. Really, now.

  12. Also, weren't u busy throwing mud? So when did u have time to see geriatric Joe show off his ribcage :P

  13. Thanks Div for the support...

    BB wants and demands essays and then whines at their size...Wat a tragedy...Hehehe...

    @BB focus has shifted to Older men? What happened to you and KO prowling?

  14. Haha awesome! You painted a vivid picture!

  15. @Geetlee: Thank you :) Nice to see you in Blogosphere. Start writing soon! And congratulations! (I was obviously quite unaware of everything since I spend next to no time on Facebook now!)

  16. LOL!!! I had a ball of a time....maybe u should join me the next time (Thts If Im still Single... lol!!!) and you could write more about how u enjoy the BA concert rather the ppl around and how nice the smelled lol!!


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